Florida’s Dumbest Criminals

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Robert Siciliano Identity Theft Expert

There are all kinds of dumb. But “dumb and criminal” is hard to beat. Fox Tampa shamelessly (and we appreciate the candor) lets us all know they may take the cake in dumb criminals.

A Bay County man arrested for shoplifting had a request for deputies: let him drink the beer he stole. He became combative when they refused.

A Marion County deputy pulled over a naked man riding a motorcycle. Turns out the cyclist was drunk. He was one of many naked people in the news.

A naked 21-year-old man covered in feces was arrested in Martin County after jumping into a neighbor’s pool. A Clearwater woman knocked on a stranger’s door in the middle of the night asking for cigarettes. She was naked.

A naked 91-year-old Lake Worth man held a 26-year-old burglar at gunpoint until police arrived.
Another burglar trying to rob an elderly man wasn’t so lucky. The 24-year-old broke in to a Liberty County home waving a toy gun and was shot and killed by an 82-year-old homeowner with the real thing.

A Fort Pierce man was charged with stealing $22 worth of aluminum cans from a scrap yard and then returning the next day to try to sell them back. A man tried stealing a live ferret in Jacksonville Beach by stuffing it down his pants. A Dade City man was charged with stealing 19 packages of deodorant to pay off a drug debt.

Usually this works in reverse, but a man was caught trying to break INTO the Brevard County jail he was released from the week before.

Two men wandering through a Deltona neighborhood asked a deputy for a ride home. The deputy said sure, but only after he could search them. They said sure, and the deputy found cell phones, GPS devices and a box of strawberry-flavored Pop Tarts stolen from neighborhood cars.

Crime and food intersected a few times in Florida this past year. Volusia County authorities arrested a 19-year-old after his mother said he threw a taco at her for unplugging his video game system.

A Dunnellon woman was arrested after allegedly hitting a man in the head with a raw steak after he refused a piece of sliced bread. A Gainesville father was arrested for hitting his daughter with a pizza slice when she wouldn’t turn off a computer.

  • Let’s face it, dumb or smart, there are criminals everywhere. The best defense is a good offense; a solid strategy and being smarter than the bad guy (or dumb one).
  • Invest in a home security system and keep it on and monitored 24/7/365.
  • Make sure it has glass break sensors, monitors doors, windows and has motion sensors.
  • Be sure to protect basement windows all the way up to the highest level windows and porch doors for maximum home safety.
  • Install at least a 4-16 cameras surveillance system that can be accessed from the web and has full night vision.
  • Remove or lock up exterior ladders preventing the bad guy from gaining access.
  • Lock all doors and windows when you are home and away. Especially at night and in the summer months too.

See Robert discussing personal and home security on NBC Boston

Robert Siciliano is a personal security and identity theft expert for Home Security Source. (Disclosures)