Raising a Boy to Be a Man, not a Sex Predator

If you looked at a photo of a baby boy, could you ever predict that he would grow up to become a sexual predator? Probably not. However, a study shows that men who commit sexual crimes are more likely to have something called an “anxious attachment” to their mothers due to feeling rejected as children when wanting attention. As adults, this makes those men unable to create a healthy attachment to women. Research also shows that men who talk to other men known to harass women are even more likely to engage in this behavior.

safr.meThe big question here is how to prevent our young sons from growing up an becoming predatory men. Psychology tells us that the core of all painful behaviors are two feelings: not feeling worthy and feeling shameful. So, to stop creating predators, we must eliminate these feelings. Here are some things that we can do to start raising boys to be men and not sexual predators:

Change the Meaning of Power

Living in a society where “power” means being better than another person only leads to humiliation and judgement. When we are humiliated, we feel shamed, and that, in turn, raises the odds that a child would become a sexual predator.

Stop Associating Sex and Power

Both men and women are raised, in most cases, to believe that they can stop feeling shame if they are attractive. Women tend to do this with making themselves skinny, often with eating disorders. Men overcome shame by feeling attractive too, but also by being successful. Both genders find affirmation of this through sex, but if a person already feels humiliated, sex can make them feel even less worthy.

Celebrate our Differences

A cultural shift to celebrate our differences, including those between men and women, men and men, women and women, and those who identify as them, their, they would certainly help, too. Many men began to wonder how they could cause their maleness to be appreciated, too. However, we have to learn that we are different in regards to certain things, and to understand that it is totally possible to express differences of tolerance while still celebrating our differences.

Learn to Really Love

We also have to teach children that real empowerment comes from unconditional love. This is love that is given with joy and given without necessarily getting love in return.

Push an Evolution of Society

Research shows that when we live with an attitude of love and compassion, we feel less fear. So, we have to change the way we look at life and connect with our core ability to be loving and compassionate.

OK, so will all of the above solve our sex predator problem? NO. But, there’s definitely something to being more loving, compassionate, and mindful to others. So as my wife always says to me “Just be nice”.

ROBERT SICILIANO CSP, is a #1 Best Selling Amazon author, CEO of CreditParent.com, the architect of the CSI Protection certification; a Cyber Social and Identity Protection security awareness training program.

You Know Tom Might Kill You So Why Do You Stay with Tom?

“Tom” can also be “Alicia.”

Nevertheless, it happens often enough to come up every so often in a crime documentary aired on the Investigation Discovery channel.

The premise is as follows:

  • A person is SO convinced that their spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse is going to kill them, that they actually tell friends something like, “If anything ever happens to me, Tom did it,” or, “If anything bad ever happens to me, have the cops question Alicia.”
  • There was one case in which a woman spoke from the grave. Detectives discovered a note she had hidden inside a piece of furniture explaining that if she was ever murdered, her husband was responsible.
  • Yet these men and women continue living with the person they think is capable of murdering them.

These aren’t cases in which the future killer warns their future victim, “If you move out I’ll kill your parents and your dog and boil your bunny.”

The irony is that there’s often no threat given to the future victim of any devastating consequences if they move out.

Another thing about many of these cases is that there aren’t young children living with them who could provide the future victim an excuse for continuing to live with the man (or woman) they’ve told friends might kill them.

So this begs the question: Why would anyone want to continue living under the same roof with someone whom is so threatening, that the future victim has actually told friends or other family members, “If something happens to me…it was Alicia”?

One might think, “Well, maybe these individuals don’t have any other place to go.” Yet in the documentaries, friends or extended family members are speaking lovingly of them and are very distraught over what ultimately had happened. Certainly, they would have taken in the person they cared about.

But this element is never explored. Thus, the assumption is that a place to stay was offered but declined.

There are many reasons people stay in destructive relationships. Fear and uncertainty play a huge role. Bad judgment might be another. But one things for sure, the victim in these situations isn’t to be blamed. They are no more “at fault’ than someone who is walking down the street and gets bit by a dog. And Tom just plain sucks.   

Why stay?

#1 Self-esteem might be so damaged through emotional abuse the victim simply can’t make a move.

#2 Abusive behavior seems “normal” in a society that is abusive towards each other.

#3 Leaving can be very dangerous. Its not unlikely for their abuser to act on his feelings of violence when feeling abandoned.

#4 Abuse is all about control of the mind and body. A victim’s decisions are often not their own.

#5 Abusers are skilled at making the victim think everything’s their fault.

#6 The victim might think they can change the abuser. They cannot.

#7 Embarrassment, being judged by others and shame often keeps the victim from leaving.

#8 Family. Having kids together is huge and the victim might stay “for the sake of the kids”.

The worst-case scenario is living in a mission, a safe house or even on the street – which would be a lot safer than living in the same house as someone you’re convinced might kill you.

Would you spend even ONE NIGHT in a house if you knew that somewhere in that house, a 20-foot python was loose? Of course not. If you were told you had a choice of a nice warm bed and bath facilities – in a house with that roaming snake – or…a homeless shelter…which would you choose? This however is easier said than done.

If you’re compelled to hide a “from the grave” note or inform a friend, “Tom did it,” then GET OUT NOW. If you or someone you know is in danger call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233

Robert Siciliano personal security and identity theft expert and speaker is the author of Identity Theft Privacy: Security Protection and Fraud Prevention: Your Guide to Protecting Yourself from Identity Theft and Computer Fraud. See him knock’em dead in this Security Awareness Training video

The First Step to Secure Your Data

Your personal information and data are literally everywhere for criminals to target, and there isn’t much you can do to keep it from spreading. You use your email credentials on countless websites, you use your credit card number with countless vendors, and, believe it or not, your Social Security number is shared rapidly immediately after you’re born.

It’s almost impossible to give out your personal information nowadays. However, criminals know this, and they lurk around the same places that your information is used. You need to take action to secure your information so you are less of a target. Let me show you one simple step you can take today that will create one layer of security and improve your defenses.

There is one specific action you can take to secure your information, and after you do it, you’ll be much less likely to be targeted because criminals tend to take the path of least resistance. That said, if you DON’T do this action today, you ARE the path of least resistance.

All you have to do is set up a credit freeze. There are four major credit bureaus in the United States, and you need to get a credit freeze with them. Just use your preferred search engine and look for Experian credit freeze, Equifax credit freeze, TransUnion credit freeze, and Innovis credit freeze. You should freeze your credit with all four, but you should still review your annual credit reports. More importantly, you should dispute discrepancies with the appropriate bureau AND the lender. Getting a credit freeze won’t gum up your credit score or make it so you can’t use credit. You are able to “thaw” the frozen credit as needed and then freeze it again. You can literally do this in a single day. Then you’ll want to put more layers of defense in place to become an even harder target than the other guy.

A credit freeze will secure your information, but setting up multiple layers of defenses is really what will make you a hard target. Criminals are constantly probing defenses, and even while technology advances, crimes against your data are usually ahead of the curve. You don’t need to know everything about security, but you do need to take on the responsibility of protecting yourself. I’ve created a free guide that will make you a pseudo expert on your own security, and if you follow it’s simple steps, you will have more layers of defense than the average person. If you want to create even more layers of defenses, bring this guide to my next webinar, and I will walk you through each step so you can rest assured that you are creating a smart, secure, safer “me.”

The Shrimp Tank Podcast

I recently had the opportunity to join The Shrimp Tank Podcast hosted on iHeartRADIO. I discuss my background, and how I became interested in the security field, including when my first business was hacked. I talk about Safr.Me and recommendations for all of you out there who need help staying secure. Enjoy!

Robert Siciliano personal security and identity theft expert and speaker is the author of Identity Theft Privacy: Security Protection and Fraud Prevention: Your Guide to Protecting Yourself from Identity Theft and Computer Fraud. See him knock’em dead in this Security Awareness Training video.

Robert Siciliano on FOX Nation

I recently had the opportunity to join a panel discussion on FOX Nation. We talked about the grid, and how cyber threats could be the next medium for global warfare. I was able to share opinions with fellow experts on privacy, information security and cybersecurity. Please watch and learn why it is so important to take control of your own security, and ultimately your life.

Robert Siciliano personal security and identity theft expert and speaker is the author of Identity Theft Privacy: Security Protection and Fraud Prevention: Your Guide to Protecting Yourself from Identity Theft and Computer Fraud. See him knock’em dead in this Security Awareness Training video.

FTC Brings Office Depot Fines and a Strong Warning to Other Companies

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) announced that Office Depot, along with a tech support firm, must come up with $35 million to settle a lawsuit over claims that both organizations were part of a computer repair service scam, which involved a fake malware scan.

In the FTC complaint, it was stated that Office Depot, OfficeMax, and Support.com ran a program called PC Health Check. This program is designed to search for malware on a customer’s computer. However, it actually doesn’t quite do that. Instead, it gives the customer a questionnaire, and then it uses the answers given by the respondent to flag some malware…even though malware might not have even been on the computer.

Some of the questions asked by the PC Health Check program included asking if the computer was slow, if it had a lot of pop-up ads, or if it crashed a lot. When the person clicked “yes,” to these questions, the software prompted them to buy fixes for the issues, which could cost hundreds of dollars.

Additionally, the complaint alleges that Office Depot and OfficeMax told their store employees to run PC Health Check on every computer that was brought into the store. In total, it is estimated that there were tens of millions of dollars lost in this scam.

On top of this, it is alleged that this scheme went on from 2009 until late 2016. It was only stopped when KIRO 7, a CBS-affiliate, began looking into it after viewers started reporting complaints about the program. Employees were also upset, and the FTC shared an incident from 2012 in its report. It said that an employee complained to upper management and said that they could not keep “lying to a customer” or be subject to being “tricked into lying” just so their store could “make a few extra dollars.”

If all of this wasn’t enough, the complaint also alleges that Office Depot advised its stores to never run a PC Health Check on any computer that had been repaired, because the program would still report malware, even though there was none on the machine. In other words, Office Depot knew that the program would flag malware even if there wasn’t malware on the computer.

Because of this scam, Office Depot will have to pay $25 million and Support.com must pay $10 million to settle with the FTC. The agency says that it will use the money to repay people who were victims of this scheme. Joe Simons, FTC Chairman, said in a statement that this should “send a strong message” to any other companies that might be considering this type of deception to trick people into buying services that they might not really need.

Robert Siciliano personal security and identity theft expert and speaker is the author of Identity Theft Privacy: Security Protection and Fraud Prevention: Your Guide to Protecting Yourself from Identity Theft and Computer Fraud. See him knock’em dead in this Security Awareness Training video.

“Troncast” Podcast with Tron Jordheim

I recently had the opportunity to join Tron Jordheim on his podcast hosted on stitcher.com. We talked about digital security and how to watch out for yourself in our digital landscape. I was able to share advice on privacy, information security and why it is so important to take control of your own security, and ultimately your life. Thanks again to Tron, stitcher.com and the sponsors of this “Troncast!”

Exclusive Coaching Call Webinar Recording

My interview with CNN has been trending all over the internet, and that makes me so happy because we talked about a very important topic–personal security. I’m so passionate about this subject that I wanted to provide some followup commentary. Use this link to view my most recent discussion, but this is not for the faint of heart…

What it Means to be CSI Protection Certified

“A CSI Protection Certified Agent can help you decrease susceptibility to crime and ensure you are working with a trained, concerned professional. If your real estate professional holds the CSI Protection designation, you can trust that they will provide the skills necessary for a safe and secure transaction.”

If YOU know someone who should get CSI Protection certified, show them this: https://protectnowllc.com/