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How to deal with difficult people

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It’s been said that nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission. Well bah! Some people don’t wait for your permission to denigrate you. They are toxic. Lifehacker.com offers some ways to deal with such people.

10DLove Yourself

If someone’s words have made you feel bad about yourself, then spend some time giving yourself pats on the back and positive labels. Make this a habit.

Empathy and Compassion

Towards the offender? Yes. Like Madonna says in her song, “Oh Father,” You didn’t mean to be cruel; somebody hurt you too.

Talk to the Offender

This part takes place after you can feel some compassion for them. See if you can connect with this person. Admit that making a connection is trying, and you want their support. Arrange ahead of time with yourself that you will not feel defeated if this effort does not yield favorable results.

Talk to Others

Find someone you trust, and share with that person how the toxic individual makes you feel. This is not a sign of weakness. You certainly won’t feel worse after you’ve vented a little. And if the listener offers advice, be a good sport and graciously accept it.

You Are Whom You Associate With

It’s been said that we are the composite of the five people we hang out with the most. Ooh, that is scary, isn’t it? Maybe not; depends whom you always hang out with. But anyways, make sure you associate only with positive, upbeat people. They share your attitudes; they believe in the same important things that you do.

Don’t Mimic Their Behavior

If someone’s being toxic and you get mad, realize that your hostile reaction may escalate the situation (though I’d be lying if I said that reacting with some serious feistiness never makes them retreat).

Snip the Ties

If all else fails, you may have to sever the relationship, or at least, minimize contact. Do what you feel like doing…and don’t do what you don’t feel like doing. So if you don’t feel like visiting them when they invite you to their place, then simply don’t. If a toxic person is in town and you don’t feel like visiting, then don’t. Keep things simple. No elaborate explanations are required.

Robert Siciliano personal and home security specialist to BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com discussing burglar proofing your home on Fox Boston. Disclosures.

Police offer 18 Burglary Prevention Tips

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To help keep your home and property safe from crime, the New Castle County Police Department provides the following guidelines:

  1. Sounds like a no-brainer, but so many people do otherwise: Keep your doors locked at all times. People will actually go to sleep with the front door unlocked.
  2. Doors should be locked with a deadbolt that has at least a one-inch throw.
  3. Keep windows locked. People have been known to leave a window open overnight in their child’s bedroom. Yes, hot weather is here, but there are ways to ventilate rooms without inviting burglars and rapists in. A bad guy could easily, and quietly, remove a screen.
  4. Check all your windows; all should have locks.
  5. All sliding doors and windows should have a block in the track.
  6. The garage door should never be open unless it’s in use. This includes when you’re outdoors doing yardwork—it’s not in use while you’re tending the garden or lawn.
  7. Check the window A/C units: They should be very difficult to remove.
  8. Close curtains and blinds at night. This means when it begins getting dusky.
  9. Your house number should be easy to read, ideally large, reflective numbers.
  10. Lighting should be installed at all entrances: front, side and back.
  11. Install a timed lighting system to make it look like someone is always home.
  12. Make sure there are no trees or brush obscuring entrances, as burglars can hide more easily.
  13. Don’t leave ladders out in the yard because you don’t have the energy after doing a project to return them to the garage. Unless you just became overcome with severe food poisoning, you can hustle that ladder back into the garage.
  14. Don’t hide keys under the welcome mat or anyplace else outside.
  15. Garage door openers should not be visible inside your car. Neither should valuables, even a pricey pair of sunglasses.
  16. Leave a TV on when you go out at night.
  17. Never post travel plans on social media.
  18. Never create a voicemail message that indicates you’re not home.

On that last point…it’s amazing that people will actually leave a message like, “We’re not home right now, so please leave your name, number and a message…”

Robert Siciliano personal and home security specialist to BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com discussing burglar proofing your home on Fox Boston. Disclosures.

DC Murders as horrific as it gets

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The latest report says that Darron Dellon Dennis Wint did not act alone in the arson murder of a Washington, D.C., family and their housekeeper. You might wonder how a $4.5 million mansion—presumably with top-flight smoke alarms—could burn enough to kill the occupants.

7HA cnn.com report says they were held against their will since the day prior to the May 14 fire. Wint is being held without bond.

It’s too soon, however, to draw conclusions, as other people are being interviewed by police.

Wint was arrested a week after the bodies of Savvas and Amy Savopoulos, and their son Philip were discovered. Housekeeper Veralicia Figueroa died later at a hospital.

The victims were discovered bound up and injured from blunt force, continues the cnn.com report. Philip, age 10, was apparently stabbed and tortured.

Bernardo Alfaro, the housekeeper’s husband, stated that Veralicia did not return home the night of May 13. (It’s fair to wonder why he didn’t pay a visit to the mansion that night, because next morning he finally did.)

Alfaro received a text message from someone claiming to be Savopoulos, telling him that his wife, who couldn’t drive, was with Amy in a hospital. Someone identifying herself as Amy called a second housekeeper and told her to stay home.

It’s believed that money was the motivation for the murders. Apparently, Wint and accomplices stole $40,000 that was dropped off at the mansion by a Savopoulos employee.

How was Wint caught? On May 13, two pizzas were delivered to the mansion while the victims were bound up. A woman instructed that the pizza be dropped off at the door (it had already been paid for via Amy’s credit card). Wint’s DNA was found on the crust.

Wint’s attorney says that this DNA doesn’t prove Wint was inside the house. So how did his DNA get there? Wint’s record doesn’t help: charges of theft, assault and sexual offense.

Neighbors of Wint’s parents say that Wint had choices and that “he was not raised this way.” Few people want their kids to grow up into murderers and groom them for such. But one must wonder what kind of emptiness and darkness existed in the childhood of a man who grows up to burn to death four innocent people.

Robert Siciliano personal and home security specialist to BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com discussing burglar proofing your home on Fox Boston. Disclosures.

How to Burglar Proof your Doors

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Burglars love doors; they frequently gain entry by kicking them down and even using less aggression to get into a house—and that includes simply opening the door because it’s not locked.

2HDon’t believe that if a burglar wants to rob you badly enough, he’ll figure out a way to get in. While there is no such thing as 100% secure, in many cases, you CAN prevent a burglary. Since when do burglars enjoy the possibility of being seen messing around with someone’s front door for 20 minutes? Make it hard for them, make your house a tough target and they will move on.

  • Burglar proofing your door begins with making sure you have a decent door to start with, then building up from there. But first, let’s briefly discuss USING the lock that’s there. Often, burglars and home invaders get in by, as already mentioned, simply opening an unlocked door. If the occupant isn’t home, it’s a burglary. If they’re home, it’s a home invasion. If you’re home, even in the middle of the day, have all doors LOCKED. This costs you no time, muscle or brainstorming to pull off.
  • A locked door will stop many burglars, but not all. A hollow door is no good. If your door is hollow, you’ll need to replace it. If the door sounds hollow when you knock on it, it probably is.
  • To make a door kick-down proof, get a door that opens outward, towards someone standing outside of it. And as impossible as it seems to bust through a door like this, that’s not enough, however. A door should not have windows that could be broke and the locks accessed. Forget the décor and think security.
  • Many people don’t like the idea of a door that opens outward, which is all the more reason that more layers of security are needed besides having a solid wood door or a metal fire retardant door with no windows. And that begins with a deadbolt. The deadbolt does not replace the regular lock; it’s an addition. If you already have a deadbolt, look at it. Can you see screws on the outside? If so, replace it with one with screws only on the inside. The throw bolt should be at least one inch.
  • Install a peephole. Opening the door to see who’s there defeats the purpose of whatever deadbolt or reinforcements you have; once the door’s open, you’re game. Don’t think for a second that a determined intruder can’t bust one of those chain thingies that connect the door to the frame. The peephole should allow for a wide-angle view and have a cover so that an outsider can’t reverse the view with a reverse peephole viewer.
  • Do you know what a lock cylinder is? It’s where you stick the key in. Burglars can work these off. A metal guard plate can be installed around the cylinder to prevent removal.
  • Look at the door’s hinges. They should not be on the outside unless the door open out. If they are, they can be secured with non-removable hinge pins. For hinges on the inside, secure them with three-four-inch screws.
  • Examine the strike plate—the metal plate that’s around the door’s lock-set screwed into the door jamb. The strike plate should be heavy duty metal but the “stock” one you have is insufficient. The door jamb itself is made up of weak ½ inch pine and can easily be kicked in. Beef that puppy up with “door reinforcement” such as the Door Devil Door Reinforcement Kit. Not having reinforcement makes you an easy target.
  • What about the door frame? This counts, too. A weak door frame can be pried with a crowbar. The frame should be secured to the wall with several three-inch screws that reach the wall stud.

Robert Siciliano is a home and personal security expert to DoorDevil.com discussing Anti-Kick door reinforcement on YouTube. Disclosures.

Myths Facts and Burglary Prevention

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Myth: Most burglaries occur at night when nobody can see the intruder.

1HFact: Most burglaries occur during the day because criminals know that’s the most likely time that people are away at work.

Myth: Most burglaries are random and spontaneous.

Fact: Most burglaries occur after the thief has “cased” a residence and pre-meditated an intrusion and getaway plan.

If a thief has not gotten into your house within four minutes of trying, chances are he’ll abandon further attempts. Using multiple layers of protection from intruders will make entry take well over four minutes.

If your neighborhood doesn’t have a “watch” program, get one started.

  • Get to know your neighbors; they’ll be more likely to call the police if they notice someone unfamiliar loitering on your property.
  • Post neighborhood watch signs throughout the area.

Secure the exterior of your house.

  • Install lights at all entry points including the garage; it’s best if they can detect motion.
  • Don’t allow shrubs to grow above window sill height.
  • Don’t let tree branches obscure windows.
  • Plant thorny shrubs around windows so burglars can’t hide in them.
  • Lock all gates and fences.
  • Keep all potential entry points locked, including basement wells and the door to the attached garage.
  • Make the interior always look occupied by never letting the grass get overgrown or snow unshoveled; while traveling arrange for someone to do these tasks.
  • Also when traveling put a vacation stop on mail and newspaper deliveries.
  • Never leave the garage door open.

And then there is your house’s interior:

  • Install a security system that includes loud alarms. The sirens really do scare off would-be intruders, plus alert neighbors.
  • Use timed lighting systems so that while you’re away, it’ll appear that the house is occupied. Timers can also be set for TVs.
  • If you’re gone for a while and especially for travel, set your phone’s answering system so that voice mail picks up after only a few rings.
  • Consider getting a dog.
  • Keep valuables locked in a fire proof safe.
  • Doors should have a complete security system that includes top-flight deadbolts.

Robert Siciliano personal and home security specialist to BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com discussing burglar proofing your home on Fox Boston. Disclosures.

What kind of Home Security System is right for Me

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Burglars don’t usually depend upon the light of the moon to break into homes; they depend on the daylight—because that’s when they know most homes are empty! The kids are in school, the adults are at jobs or shopping…duhhh, even a halfwit burglar knows this is an opportune time!

4HTherefore, you should get a home security system that’s designed to repel robbers in both the dead of day, not just night. This includes while you’re home. And when you are home, a burglary turns into a “home Invasion” which often turns deadly.

  • You may be sick in bed.
  • You may be home telecommuting.
  • Or maybe you have a weekday off.
  • Maybe you work a night shift and you’re home during the day.
  • Are your kids home by themselves after school?
  • Is Gramps there by himself?
  • Do you travel frequently?
  • Figure it all out and then investigate which home security system fits your lifestyle.

A home security system isn’t just the alarm that shrieks when someone tries to break in. It can be a pendant that Gramps wears in case he falls. It could be remote monitoring of your latchkey kids.

A representative from a reputable home security company can answer all of your questions, such as how to make access to the control panel easy for kids and the elderly, while remaining hard to find by an intruder.

You’ll probably learn a lot of what the most state-of-the-art system can do—things you wouldn’t necessarily know that a security system is capable of, such as a text message triggered by the system’s sensors—indicating that something anomalous is occurring at your house, such as a window being broken or a gas or water leak.

You’ll also learn how to be smart about your system, such as making windows exceedingly difficult for an intruder to get through, including those you’d think were too small to matter.

If you have a garage, that requires yet another layer of security. An intruder may get in via a window, then get into the garage from the internal door that connects it to the house. He opens the garage and begins loading his van which is parked in the driveway, whistling nonchalantly while neighbors don’t suspect a thing.

For optimizing your security options, you should consult with experts from well-known companies and read reviews from current customers to determine which options, features, benefits, bells and whistles are most appropriate for you.

Robert Siciliano personal and home security specialist to BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com discussing burglar proofing your home on Fox Boston. Disclosures.

Town sees Big Spike in Burglaries

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Why are so many burglaries hounding the town of Los Altos in California? There were 79 reported in 2013, but 118 for 2014. This past January and February there were 36. At that rate, by Christmas 2015, it’s unthinkable what the total number of burglaries will be.

1HIn a report on mercurynews.com, the Los Altos police chief, Tuck Younis, is quoted as saying, “It sickens me, as the one who is responsible to keep the city safe, that’s occurring. It sickens every member of our department that’s occurring, especially at the volume that is occurring in our city.”

He spoke this to an assembly of over 200 town residents. Chief Younis added that the number of burglaries is “unprecedented.” In fact, the cities of Sunnyvale and Mountainview—neighbors to Los Altos—have also been stung. And not just by local thieves, but thieves from all over.

Chief Younis speculates that a prison realignment is responsible for the spike in burglaries; convicts are getting released sooner.

And these burglars are going after hard-to-trace loot like jewelry and cash, rather than iPhones and video games. And they’ve been hitting homes both during the day and in the middle of the night.

The police have reassured residents that they are doing everything possible to break this spike up, and that there’s even been some arrests. Nevertheless, residents were instructed to be extra alert and not to hold back from reporting any suspicious activity.

Residents should also beef up their home security as well as take non-techy measures to make their homes unappealing to burglars. Being aware of the little things will make a difference, such as not letting newspapers collect in the driveway because you haven’t felt like getting the paper for a few days and not letting the lawn become overgrown—signs to a burglar that nobody’s been home for a while.

Keeping windows and doors locked at all times, using a deadbolt on doors and Charlie bars on windows, and keeping lights on will also help repel burglars. You can even get semi-techy by installing a fake video camera above the front door that a thief won’t miss—this is a good deterrent to the bad guys.

Robert Siciliano personal and home security specialist to BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com discussing burglar proofing your home on Fox Boston. Disclosures.

Paralyzed Home Invasion Victim speaks

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If a home invasion doesn’t leave you dead, it might leave you permanently paralyzed, like it did Richard Potorski, who was shot two years ago and can’t move from the chest down.

On January 8, 2013, Potorski went to his Maine home for lunch after work. Moments later he saw a gun pointing at him; it went off. He played dead—which wasn’t hard to do because his spinal cord had been severed—until his wife found him 90 minutes later.

Potorski says he doesn’t know the shooter, and even though he has a misdemeanor drug charge on his record, he was not involved with any drug deals with the shooter—Ronald Bauer, who received a 30-year prison sentence.

It’s a myth that most burglaries occur at night. Gee, night is when most people are home. Most people are gone during the day at work. Burglars know that. What if Potorski had had a security system on that fateful day? This isn’t a blame-the-victim mentality; it’s a very fair question.

Imagine Bauer trying to gain entrance and a screaming alarm sounds. He would have fled like a bat out of hell. Or suppose there was no alarm system, but the door had a top-of-the-line deadbolt and reinforcement system, and the locked windows all had Charlie bars and penetration-proof film. Bauer wanted to get in quick without attracting attention. Why would a burglar want to be seen spending 20 minutes trying to break into a house? Yep, it’s a very fair question.

Evaluate your lifestyle so that you can have an idea of what kind of security system will best suit you. For example, if you’re away a lot, or even only from 8:00 to 5:00, you’ll need a remote monitoring system.

Today’s systems are really cool in that you can even receive e-mails and texts about variables that the system detects. You can even see what’s going on with real-time surveillance transmitted to your phone.

Imagine that someone breaks in while you’re exiting your worksite to go home for lunch, and you get the alert on your phone. You connect and see some druggie trashing your place looking for cash. You won’t get shot by him. We live in a cruel world and need to be prepared.

Robert Siciliano personal and home security specialist to BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com discussing burglar proofing your home on Fox Boston. Disclosures.

Small Town investigates String of Burglaries

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Home burglaries don’t just happen in the big cities that everyone’s heard of. They can also occur in small towns—simply because the burglar lives in them or in neighboring areas. Such is the case with Kirksville, Missouri.

2BA recent report from heartlandconnection.com tells of multiple burglaries. They have elements in common: The thief enters overnight while the occupants are asleep and takes cash.

Are the homes’ occupants very hard of hearing and can’t hear the window smashing or the door being kicked down? Did they all take a few sleeping pills and were thus in a very heavy sleep and that’s why they didn’t hear the windows smashing or the door being busted through?

Or…do you suppose that a DOOR or WINDOW WAS UNLOCKED and that’s how the burglar got in?

Don’t be a victim!

  • Before going to bed at night, what do you always do without fail? Brush your teeth. Let the dog out for one last “business.” Set the clock alarm. Lay out your clothes for next day. Is something missing here? Yes! LOCK ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS.
  • Have a deadbolt installed and other protective devices for doors.
  • Keep doors and windows locked during the day, too—even when you’re home.
  • Have a motion detection light installed.
  • Put away the purse, wallet, credit cards, checkbook and loose money…just in case someone does get in. The last place burglars usually check is the kids’ bedrooms. Consider stashing your purse and wallet in a shoebox in the toy box.
  • You can also put these items in a fire-proof safe that’s bolted to the floor.
  • Never keep the spare key “hidden” outside anywhere. Leave it with a neighbor or go keyless entry.
  • Before going away on trips, arrange with someone to check your home periodically.
  • Don’t leave any light on continuously; this looks like you’re away. Used timed lighting devices.

Robert Siciliano personal and home security specialist to BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com discussing burglar proofing your home on Fox Boston. Disclosures.

Protect your Home post Holidays

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After Santa has gone back to the North Pole to take a long rest, don’t think for a second that burglars too will be resting in January.

1HTrue, the holidays are a prime time for many burglaries, knowing that underneath that gargantuan Christmas tree in the picture window is surely a pile of expensive gifts. But people give burglars easy entry to their houses year-round.

The prowler will ring the bell. If nobody answers, he tests the door knob. If he does this enough times, this numbers game will pay off, because there’s always some lunkhead who will leave a door unlocked when they’re not home or overnight while they sleep.

If the main doors are locked, the thief may still persist and try other portals and may even break a window.

For safety year-round but especially post-holiday security, here are tips:

  • Get a home security system. If you already have one, good, but not good enough.
  • Keep all portals locked, even when you’re home. Yes, intruders enter occupied homes—these are more likely to be violent sociopaths wanting fast cash for their next drug fix, or rapists.
  • When you’re away, even for just a shopping trip, make it look like someone is inside (leave a TV on so the flickering can be seen, or a loud stereo, and/or lights).
  • When you’re out of town, arrange to have your house look like it’s being very lived in by installing automatic timers for exterior and interior lights, and arranging for trusted people to mow your lawn and park their car in your driveway.
  • As for the boxes that expensive items came in, keep them in your garage, out of public view, for three months. Then demolish them before leaving them curbside. Better yet, stuff the remnants in a trash bag.
  • I know you don’t want to live like a vampire, but do your best to keep shades and curtains closed even when you’re home in broad daylight.
  • Whether or not you have an alarm system, post stickers on your windows and signs in your yards that you do have a system.

Robert Siciliano personal and home security specialist to BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com discussing burglar proofing your home on Fox Boston. Disclosures.