If you looked at a photo of a baby boy, could you ever predict that he would grow up to become a sexual predator? Probably not. However, a study shows that men who commit sexual crimes are more likely to have something called an “anxious attachment” to their mothers due to feeling rejected as children when wanting attention. As adults, this makes those men unable to create a healthy attachment to women. Research also shows that men who talk to other men known to harass women are even more likely to engage in this behavior.
The big question here is how to prevent our young sons from growing up an becoming predatory men. Psychology tells us that the core of all painful behaviors are two feelings: not feeling worthy and feeling shameful. So, to stop creating predators, we must eliminate these feelings. Here are some things that we can do to start raising boys to be men and not sexual predators:
Change the Meaning of Power
Living in a society where “power” means being better than another person only leads to humiliation and judgement. When we are humiliated, we feel shamed, and that, in turn, raises the odds that a child would become a sexual predator.
Stop Associating Sex and Power
Both men and women are raised, in most cases, to believe that they can stop feeling shame if they are attractive. Women tend to do this with making themselves skinny, often with eating disorders. Men overcome shame by feeling attractive too, but also by being successful. Both genders find affirmation of this through sex, but if a person already feels humiliated, sex can make them feel even less worthy.
Celebrate our Differences
A cultural shift to celebrate our differences, including those between men and women, men and men, women and women, and those who identify as them, their, they would certainly help, too. Many men began to wonder how they could cause their maleness to be appreciated, too. However, we have to learn that we are different in regards to certain things, and to understand that it is totally possible to express differences of tolerance while still celebrating our differences.
Learn to Really Love
We also have to teach children that real empowerment comes from unconditional love. This is love that is given with joy and given without necessarily getting love in return.
Push an Evolution of Society
Research shows that when we live with an attitude of love and compassion, we feel less fear. So, we have to change the way we look at life and connect with our core ability to be loving and compassionate.
OK, so will all of the above solve our sex predator problem? NO. But, there’s definitely something to being more loving, compassionate, and mindful to others. So as my wife always says to me “Just be nice”.
ROBERT SICILIANO CSP, is a #1 Best Selling Amazon author, CEO of CreditParent.com, the architect of the CSI Protection certification; a Cyber Social and Identity Protection security awareness training program.